Today marks the halfway point of a week-long Cooking Camp I have led in Kerrville the last three years. Usually by this point in the week, I am wishing I had never agreed to do this darn camp again. The campers are starting to get under my skin, my own kids and whatever friend we brought with us are driving me insane, and I am super cranky. HOWEVER, this year has been COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. I am loving this year's camp! We have had a few moments of frustration, but no big issues to deal with. As I waited for the worst today, I wondered, 'What is different? I am equally prepared as I have been in the past, I chose recipes that are just as complex as the last couple of years... What is happening?'
After much reflection, I have come to a couple of conclusions.
First, I have an incredible (and plentiful) support team of youth and adults this year. Don't get me wrong - I have had great help in the past, too! But this week, it seems like joyfulness and love and GIVING have pervaded everyone. Including me.
Which brings me to my second conclusion:
I am my own greatest problem.
If you have spent even the smallest amount of time with me, you know I am a controlling person. I like things done my way. I prefer to do things myself. I don't want to spend 10 minutes explaining to you what I need done and then wait 5 minutes for you to do it when I can just take 5 minutes and do it myself. This is undoubtedly what drives me to the edge of insanity. I am only one person. I am incapable of doing every last thing myself. You would not think this could possibly be a revelation, but it is.
I think what has made this week so different is how persistant these ladies and gentlemen are. They don't take no for an answer. And if I DO tell them I am fine, they go find something to do. I would head into the kitchen to prepare for the next recipe and find all my ingredients already laid out. Or, I would go to wash up some dishes on preparation for the next group and find them already washed. Or, I would open the kitchen door and the ladies would ask what I needed and not let me in. At first this was annoying. But, as the days have passed, I am finding myself able to put myself in the capable hands of these friends and accept the gifts they are trying to give me. It feels wonderful! My stress levels are low, I can enjoy every moment I get to spend with the campers instead of worrying how in the world I will get everything ready for the next group...
I need help. Literally. I have an incredible husband. I have the best friends anyone could ask for. I have a generous and loving family. I have a terrific church family. Why is it so difficult to accept the love and help all of these people are willing to give? My new goal is to say 'yes' more often. Not 'Yes, I can do that!' but, 'Yes! I do need your help.' No more bearing every burden on my own. If I can bring the peace I have felt this week into my daily life, I will be a better mother, wife, friend...
Let's see how well I rise to the challenge!
I may need your help.
