When the kids were little, (oh...who am I kidding...the other day) when they were impatient, Eric and I would sing them a song from 'The Music Machine.' It goes:
Have patience, have patience. Don't be in such a hurry.
When you get impatient, you only start to worry.
Remember, remember that God is patient, too...
And think of all the times when others had to wait for you!
Naturally, this drives the kids crazy. So we sing it often. Hahaha!
But, as I have laid here in bed after my most recent surgery, I have thought about this little song an awful lot. It is hard to be patient. I have a lot of questions about my upcoming treatment. Tuesday, my surgeon had enough time for the muscle graft (very interesting looking, by the way...kind of like a roast wrapped around my arm,) but he decided to wait on the skin graft fora number of reasons. On the upside, my muscle graft is doing great and has good blood flow. But, I am TRYING to patiently wait and not be anxious about the surgeries still to come. I willl need a skin graft on my arm, two tendon grafts in my hand and some kind of bone reconstruction in my arm. These could happen in as few as one or as many as three more surgeries. We are just waiting for the surgeons to coordinate and make a plan. It is so hard to wait and be at the mercy of someone else's schedule. All I can think about is going home and starting rehab. A week ago, I was wearing clothes, getting in and out of bed pretty much on my own, and walking around. Now I am stuck back in bed unless I can get a couple of people to help me out, with no end in sight. I tell myself to be patient...that every day the pain is a little less and I become a little more mobile. Hey - I can move my fingers! THAT is exciting! I suppose the big challenge for me is the unknown. What lies ahead, and when will it happen? But, I know that with the help of my friends, family, and all the incredible people praying for me, I can make it through one day (or even one hour) at a time until I go home. All I need is just a little patience!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
A Few Words about Friendship
I cannot even begin to count the number of people who have lifted me up in one way or another these last few weeks. But before I ride off to surgery in my roll-y bed, I want to say something about my closest friends. My Best Friends.
I have the best friends ever. They have been with me, right by my side, for every step of this journey. These are the women I hang out with, shop with, eat out with, have Thursday night wine or margaritas with...the women I have shared my hopes and dreams and failures and the parts of my life I would like to keep secret even from myself. We have a great relationship and I have always felt I could depend on them.
Well, there is nothing like a few weeks in the hospital to test the limits of your relationships. And if this was some kind of test, they have passed with flying colors! My friends have bought me hospital clothes, brushed dried blood out of my hair, brushed my teeth, washed my face, brought me Sonic, tempted my waning appetite with my favorite foods, dressed me, washed me, helped me use the toilet, talked with me and rehashed the same moments over and over,long into the night, cut my food, fed me, painted my toenails, cleaned my fingernails....things I would NEVER EVER expect to ask from ANYONE. And the best part is, I haven't had to ask. Not once. My friends know me so well, they anticipate my needs. And since the accident, I have had at least one of them in arm's reach, day or night. They worked a schedule so they can be here for me. They have blessed me over and over!
My friends have given up time with their families and other friends to be with me. They have been instrumental in keeping me moving forward. I would not be holding up so well if they weren't here for me - that is certain! I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I do not know how I have been lucky enough to be blessed with not just one close friend, but THREE! I cannot imagine my life without Rebecca Ellerbrook, Trish Blazauskas, and Vicki Graham. They have been here for me every moment and every step of the way. I love you girls! Thank you for every laugh, every cry, every quiet moment, every look that spoke volumes more than we could put into words, every second of just being together and enjoying each others' company, every hour that you have watched over me while I slept. You are the very best friends anyone could ever have. It is impossible for me to thank you for all you have done for me and are planning to do for me as I recover, so all I can say is, "Thank you," and, "I love you!" And maybe someday I will be able to give you back some of these awesome blessings you have given me.
I have the best friends ever. They have been with me, right by my side, for every step of this journey. These are the women I hang out with, shop with, eat out with, have Thursday night wine or margaritas with...the women I have shared my hopes and dreams and failures and the parts of my life I would like to keep secret even from myself. We have a great relationship and I have always felt I could depend on them.
Well, there is nothing like a few weeks in the hospital to test the limits of your relationships. And if this was some kind of test, they have passed with flying colors! My friends have bought me hospital clothes, brushed dried blood out of my hair, brushed my teeth, washed my face, brought me Sonic, tempted my waning appetite with my favorite foods, dressed me, washed me, helped me use the toilet, talked with me and rehashed the same moments over and over,long into the night, cut my food, fed me, painted my toenails, cleaned my fingernails....things I would NEVER EVER expect to ask from ANYONE. And the best part is, I haven't had to ask. Not once. My friends know me so well, they anticipate my needs. And since the accident, I have had at least one of them in arm's reach, day or night. They worked a schedule so they can be here for me. They have blessed me over and over!
My friends have given up time with their families and other friends to be with me. They have been instrumental in keeping me moving forward. I would not be holding up so well if they weren't here for me - that is certain! I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I do not know how I have been lucky enough to be blessed with not just one close friend, but THREE! I cannot imagine my life without Rebecca Ellerbrook, Trish Blazauskas, and Vicki Graham. They have been here for me every moment and every step of the way. I love you girls! Thank you for every laugh, every cry, every quiet moment, every look that spoke volumes more than we could put into words, every second of just being together and enjoying each others' company, every hour that you have watched over me while I slept. You are the very best friends anyone could ever have. It is impossible for me to thank you for all you have done for me and are planning to do for me as I recover, so all I can say is, "Thank you," and, "I love you!" And maybe someday I will be able to give you back some of these awesome blessings you have given me.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Blessed Beyond Belief
I have always felt that my life has been blessed. I grew up in a family that loved me, and although there were some rough patches in there, my childhood was great! I never truly wanted for anything, and I had and have good relationships with all of my family members. I grew up in a Christian home and I have never had cause to question my faith. I went to a great college. True, I had a baby instead of graduating, but every class I took has enabled me to work independently and do well at a job I love. I married a wonderful man and have two beautiful and talented children. I have had job opportunities by the dozen offered to me at just the time I needed them, and I have loved every job I have ever worked. I own my own piano studio, AND I get to play at my church AND I get to accompany future Broadway Stars. So, yes! My life has been blessed beyond measure.
So, imagine my surprise when I discovered (after waking up from several days' sedation) that I had been in what undoubtedly should have been a fatal car accident. One minute I remember eating lunch with my Mom and the next thing I know someone is removing a breathing tube from my throat. Surprise is probably a mild description of what I felt. And then, the surprises kept coming. Thankfully, my Mom came out of the accident with only a broken wrist and some injured ribs. I am so, so thankful that my body took the greater abuse. I love my Mom so much, and I would never ever want her to be hurt for my sake. Then Eric slowly began revealing the extent of my injuries. Although I was wearing a seat belt, my body was partially pulled out of the car, so the left side of my face was basically scalped off. The surgeon had done an amazing job stitching me back together and reconstructing my ear, but we would have to wait and see the results. Maybe more surgeries later. The worst injury was to my right arm. My arm had been pulled out of the car and my humerus was crushed beyond repair. My brachial artery had been pulled out as well as several tendons in my fingers. There was a good chance the arm would have to go. After hours of surgery and a vein graft from my leg and I don't even know what else, my arm was saved. The surgeon conservatively estimated I would regain about 20% use, but I would have my own arm. As for playing the piano, forget it.
Well, let me tell you that I took all this better than I would ever have expected from myself. The only explanation I can give is that I was ALIVE! Nothing else really seemed to matter. I truly feel that God just filled me with peace about the whole situation. And then, the blessings just kept pouring down on me. My amazing church family was right there in CCU waiting with Eric and taking care of him. My family and best friends did not leave my side until they knew I would be ok. My incredible ACU family of co-workers came to check on me and talk to me even when I was unresponsive and sedated. The love and prayers flooded over me, and THEY are what will restore me to wholeness. Not just the incredible surgeon that I have. Not just the talented EMT's who got me to the hospital so quickly and gave me such good care. Not just the magnificent staff of doctors and nurses who saw me through the ER and 3 surgeries so far and my daily care.... I truly believe it is the faith and prayers of my wonderful family and friends across the globe who have diligently lifted up me and my situation.
I am overwhelmed by the power of these people and our awesome God who answers these prayers. My face is well on its way to normal. My arm still needs some work, but it works! The doctor thinks I will regain 90% uusage! I can feel my fingers and move them individually. These are just a few of the blessings I have been given that seemed completely out of reach two weeks ago.
I know many of my family and friends are worried that I maybe haven't fully grasped what this could mean for my future in music. But it is crystal clear to me. Yes, there was a time when I would have equated a life not making music with no life at all. But the truth is, I have an incredible and fulfilling life. I am a good Mom. I am a good cook and housekeeper. I'm a great piano teacher. I don't have to perform to be fulfilled. My life is richly blessed without that. Yes, it makes me sad to think I may never play some of my favorite sonatas or nocturnes or 2-part inventions like I could before. But it is truly ok. I can listen! And I can enjoy watching as my children and my students discover the same release I did when I learned those pieces. And who knows? My recovery is going so much better than expected! I know the prayers going out are for full restoration of function. And God can do it! If that is His plan, it will happen!
I have no idea what all these blessings mean for me. Tomorrow I go in for a muscle graft to replace my tricep and a skin graft to cover it up. As I prepare for bed, I can only pray that God continues to guide me so that I properly use these blessings He has bestowed upon me. I don't know if He has a special plan for the rest of my life or if He was just feeling extra-merciful on October 14 and since then. But whatever the reason behind it, I am loving this life and living every day fully.
So, imagine my surprise when I discovered (after waking up from several days' sedation) that I had been in what undoubtedly should have been a fatal car accident. One minute I remember eating lunch with my Mom and the next thing I know someone is removing a breathing tube from my throat. Surprise is probably a mild description of what I felt. And then, the surprises kept coming. Thankfully, my Mom came out of the accident with only a broken wrist and some injured ribs. I am so, so thankful that my body took the greater abuse. I love my Mom so much, and I would never ever want her to be hurt for my sake. Then Eric slowly began revealing the extent of my injuries. Although I was wearing a seat belt, my body was partially pulled out of the car, so the left side of my face was basically scalped off. The surgeon had done an amazing job stitching me back together and reconstructing my ear, but we would have to wait and see the results. Maybe more surgeries later. The worst injury was to my right arm. My arm had been pulled out of the car and my humerus was crushed beyond repair. My brachial artery had been pulled out as well as several tendons in my fingers. There was a good chance the arm would have to go. After hours of surgery and a vein graft from my leg and I don't even know what else, my arm was saved. The surgeon conservatively estimated I would regain about 20% use, but I would have my own arm. As for playing the piano, forget it.
Well, let me tell you that I took all this better than I would ever have expected from myself. The only explanation I can give is that I was ALIVE! Nothing else really seemed to matter. I truly feel that God just filled me with peace about the whole situation. And then, the blessings just kept pouring down on me. My amazing church family was right there in CCU waiting with Eric and taking care of him. My family and best friends did not leave my side until they knew I would be ok. My incredible ACU family of co-workers came to check on me and talk to me even when I was unresponsive and sedated. The love and prayers flooded over me, and THEY are what will restore me to wholeness. Not just the incredible surgeon that I have. Not just the talented EMT's who got me to the hospital so quickly and gave me such good care. Not just the magnificent staff of doctors and nurses who saw me through the ER and 3 surgeries so far and my daily care.... I truly believe it is the faith and prayers of my wonderful family and friends across the globe who have diligently lifted up me and my situation.
I am overwhelmed by the power of these people and our awesome God who answers these prayers. My face is well on its way to normal. My arm still needs some work, but it works! The doctor thinks I will regain 90% uusage! I can feel my fingers and move them individually. These are just a few of the blessings I have been given that seemed completely out of reach two weeks ago.
I know many of my family and friends are worried that I maybe haven't fully grasped what this could mean for my future in music. But it is crystal clear to me. Yes, there was a time when I would have equated a life not making music with no life at all. But the truth is, I have an incredible and fulfilling life. I am a good Mom. I am a good cook and housekeeper. I'm a great piano teacher. I don't have to perform to be fulfilled. My life is richly blessed without that. Yes, it makes me sad to think I may never play some of my favorite sonatas or nocturnes or 2-part inventions like I could before. But it is truly ok. I can listen! And I can enjoy watching as my children and my students discover the same release I did when I learned those pieces. And who knows? My recovery is going so much better than expected! I know the prayers going out are for full restoration of function. And God can do it! If that is His plan, it will happen!
I have no idea what all these blessings mean for me. Tomorrow I go in for a muscle graft to replace my tricep and a skin graft to cover it up. As I prepare for bed, I can only pray that God continues to guide me so that I properly use these blessings He has bestowed upon me. I don't know if He has a special plan for the rest of my life or if He was just feeling extra-merciful on October 14 and since then. But whatever the reason behind it, I am loving this life and living every day fully.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Lessons I am Learning...
Today marks the halfway point of a week-long Cooking Camp I have led in Kerrville the last three years. Usually by this point in the week, I am wishing I had never agreed to do this darn camp again. The campers are starting to get under my skin, my own kids and whatever friend we brought with us are driving me insane, and I am super cranky. HOWEVER, this year has been COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. I am loving this year's camp! We have had a few moments of frustration, but no big issues to deal with. As I waited for the worst today, I wondered, 'What is different? I am equally prepared as I have been in the past, I chose recipes that are just as complex as the last couple of years... What is happening?'
After much reflection, I have come to a couple of conclusions.
First, I have an incredible (and plentiful) support team of youth and adults this year. Don't get me wrong - I have had great help in the past, too! But this week, it seems like joyfulness and love and GIVING have pervaded everyone. Including me.
Which brings me to my second conclusion:
I am my own greatest problem.
If you have spent even the smallest amount of time with me, you know I am a controlling person. I like things done my way. I prefer to do things myself. I don't want to spend 10 minutes explaining to you what I need done and then wait 5 minutes for you to do it when I can just take 5 minutes and do it myself. This is undoubtedly what drives me to the edge of insanity. I am only one person. I am incapable of doing every last thing myself. You would not think this could possibly be a revelation, but it is.
I think what has made this week so different is how persistant these ladies and gentlemen are. They don't take no for an answer. And if I DO tell them I am fine, they go find something to do. I would head into the kitchen to prepare for the next recipe and find all my ingredients already laid out. Or, I would go to wash up some dishes on preparation for the next group and find them already washed. Or, I would open the kitchen door and the ladies would ask what I needed and not let me in. At first this was annoying. But, as the days have passed, I am finding myself able to put myself in the capable hands of these friends and accept the gifts they are trying to give me. It feels wonderful! My stress levels are low, I can enjoy every moment I get to spend with the campers instead of worrying how in the world I will get everything ready for the next group...
I need help. Literally. I have an incredible husband. I have the best friends anyone could ask for. I have a generous and loving family. I have a terrific church family. Why is it so difficult to accept the love and help all of these people are willing to give? My new goal is to say 'yes' more often. Not 'Yes, I can do that!' but, 'Yes! I do need your help.' No more bearing every burden on my own. If I can bring the peace I have felt this week into my daily life, I will be a better mother, wife, friend...
Let's see how well I rise to the challenge!
I may need your help.
After much reflection, I have come to a couple of conclusions.
First, I have an incredible (and plentiful) support team of youth and adults this year. Don't get me wrong - I have had great help in the past, too! But this week, it seems like joyfulness and love and GIVING have pervaded everyone. Including me.
Which brings me to my second conclusion:
I am my own greatest problem.
If you have spent even the smallest amount of time with me, you know I am a controlling person. I like things done my way. I prefer to do things myself. I don't want to spend 10 minutes explaining to you what I need done and then wait 5 minutes for you to do it when I can just take 5 minutes and do it myself. This is undoubtedly what drives me to the edge of insanity. I am only one person. I am incapable of doing every last thing myself. You would not think this could possibly be a revelation, but it is.
I think what has made this week so different is how persistant these ladies and gentlemen are. They don't take no for an answer. And if I DO tell them I am fine, they go find something to do. I would head into the kitchen to prepare for the next recipe and find all my ingredients already laid out. Or, I would go to wash up some dishes on preparation for the next group and find them already washed. Or, I would open the kitchen door and the ladies would ask what I needed and not let me in. At first this was annoying. But, as the days have passed, I am finding myself able to put myself in the capable hands of these friends and accept the gifts they are trying to give me. It feels wonderful! My stress levels are low, I can enjoy every moment I get to spend with the campers instead of worrying how in the world I will get everything ready for the next group...
I need help. Literally. I have an incredible husband. I have the best friends anyone could ask for. I have a generous and loving family. I have a terrific church family. Why is it so difficult to accept the love and help all of these people are willing to give? My new goal is to say 'yes' more often. Not 'Yes, I can do that!' but, 'Yes! I do need your help.' No more bearing every burden on my own. If I can bring the peace I have felt this week into my daily life, I will be a better mother, wife, friend...
Let's see how well I rise to the challenge!
I may need your help.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Oops!
So, obviously I have failed as a blogger! But I am trying to be better... Things have been ridiculously busy around here! I can't even get in to it...It makes me tiredd just to think about it. But, now my busy season is over, the kids are almost out of school, and I have a little more time on my hands. I'll give this another go...
Today I made bread for the first time in a long while. (Because I have been SOOOOO busy!) Making bread is like therapy for me. I have a lot of things that are weighing on me right now and sometimes I just feel like I want to escape from my crazy, often disappointing life and just be someone else somewhere else...
BUT...
Eric is having friends over tonight for the first time in a long time (AGAIN due to my crazy schedule!) so I wanted to make them some bread. One of the guys' favorites are these Brazilian rolls I make called sacaduros. They really are delicious. I pulled out all my best ingredients and got to work.
I LOVE working with bread dough. No bread machine for me, friends! There is just something so satisfying about putting together 4 simple ingredients (flour, water, yeast and sugar) and watching it come together into something beautiful and delicious. I love to feel the different stages of the dough under the palms of my hands, and I love the smell of rising dough. I love how the dough resists you at first, but if you are patient and gentle, it will eventually yield to you and be formed the way you want it. I'm sure this is a metaphor for at least five different areas of my life... Patience = very difficult for me... Anyway, after the nine hours of stirring, waiting, kneading, waiting, turning, waiting, forming, waiting I felt a lot better. I mean, if I can put all that time and patience and love into something the guys are just going to demolish tonight, SURELY I can put a comparable amount of effort into my children, my job, my spiritual life, my relationship with my husband....
Today I made bread for the first time in a long while. (Because I have been SOOOOO busy!) Making bread is like therapy for me. I have a lot of things that are weighing on me right now and sometimes I just feel like I want to escape from my crazy, often disappointing life and just be someone else somewhere else...
BUT...
Eric is having friends over tonight for the first time in a long time (AGAIN due to my crazy schedule!) so I wanted to make them some bread. One of the guys' favorites are these Brazilian rolls I make called sacaduros. They really are delicious. I pulled out all my best ingredients and got to work.
I LOVE working with bread dough. No bread machine for me, friends! There is just something so satisfying about putting together 4 simple ingredients (flour, water, yeast and sugar) and watching it come together into something beautiful and delicious. I love to feel the different stages of the dough under the palms of my hands, and I love the smell of rising dough. I love how the dough resists you at first, but if you are patient and gentle, it will eventually yield to you and be formed the way you want it. I'm sure this is a metaphor for at least five different areas of my life... Patience = very difficult for me... Anyway, after the nine hours of stirring, waiting, kneading, waiting, turning, waiting, forming, waiting I felt a lot better. I mean, if I can put all that time and patience and love into something the guys are just going to demolish tonight, SURELY I can put a comparable amount of effort into my children, my job, my spiritual life, my relationship with my husband....
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Haven't Blogged Since AUGUST!?!?!
I can't believe it has been so long since I have added an entry! That just goes to showhow busy we have been...
Here's the last 7 months recapped:
Alex is in 2nd Grade, Carter is in 1st Grade. Love their teachers, still loving the Clyde school district.
I have 22 piano students this year and they are all AWESOME! We had a great Christmas program and are looking forward to a fantastic Spring Recital next month.
I have taken a part time job as accompanist for the Musical Theatre Department at ACU. It is the most fun I have had in a long time! The students and faculty are so talented and fantastic to be around. Plus, it is challenging to sight read so much new music...
Carter and Alex are taking a Tap class at Turning Pointe and will be performing in recital on May 15...Mark your calendar!
Alex is taking violin lessons from Joyce McGlaun and doing a fantastic job. We are so proud of her! Recital May 7....Mark your calendar!
We have loved having Jeffrey Voois in our home this school year as a foreign exchange student. He is like a part of our family...I can't believe he will be leaving us in a couple of months. We will be so sad....
By the way - with Jeffrey in the house we have THREE straight A students...
Okay, I will try to be a better blogger...look for an update this weekend after I take Jeff to the PROM!
Here's the last 7 months recapped:
Alex is in 2nd Grade, Carter is in 1st Grade. Love their teachers, still loving the Clyde school district.
I have 22 piano students this year and they are all AWESOME! We had a great Christmas program and are looking forward to a fantastic Spring Recital next month.
I have taken a part time job as accompanist for the Musical Theatre Department at ACU. It is the most fun I have had in a long time! The students and faculty are so talented and fantastic to be around. Plus, it is challenging to sight read so much new music...
Carter and Alex are taking a Tap class at Turning Pointe and will be performing in recital on May 15...Mark your calendar!
Alex is taking violin lessons from Joyce McGlaun and doing a fantastic job. We are so proud of her! Recital May 7....Mark your calendar!
We have loved having Jeffrey Voois in our home this school year as a foreign exchange student. He is like a part of our family...I can't believe he will be leaving us in a couple of months. We will be so sad....
By the way - with Jeffrey in the house we have THREE straight A students...
Okay, I will try to be a better blogger...look for an update this weekend after I take Jeff to the PROM!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)