I have avoided the mirror as much as possible lately. In fact, I haven't actually looked in the mirror in over a week. Everyone who has visited has commented on how well my face is healing and what a great job my plastic surgeon did, but it is still a shock to me every time I catch a glimpse of myself. I am trying to patiently wait for the scars and scabs to disappear, but I prefer not to look at them in the meantime.
Now, I have to say that I have been so proud of Alex (10) and Carter (8) during this hospitalization. They haven't complained about me being gone or missing their events or coming to the boring hospital to visit me. Alex has been especially mature - taking it all in stride and moving forward. Carter has had a more difficult time. He just wants me to come home and doesn't understand why he can't take care of me instead of the nurses. And, of course, when my ear was still covered up, he was worried I would be a different person when I did come home because of the alien transmissions I was receiving through my ear covering. That thing really did look like a receiver of some kind, but perhaps we should cut down on the 'Dr. Who' watching for now. And then there was last night. Carter and Alex were here for a visit, but Carter would hardly even look at me, much less talk to me. I finally got him to come sit with me on the bed and talk it out. Basically, his issue is that my face is scary. It makes him afraid to look at me and he can't sleep at night because of it. The very last thing I want is for my son to be afraid of me, so we agreed that he will not visit me again until either the scabs are gone or he is ready to try again. It breaks my heart not to see him, but I want him to be comfortable around me. It is certainly hard to be patient, though, and wait for my face to heal when I want kisses from my babies!!! And I mean NOW, not in a few more weeks. Patience...patience...
I have worried a lot about Eric, Alex and Carter as I hang out in my bed. I get a lot of thinking time, you know! And I MUST say some thank-you's to the many people who are taking care of my family. Eric has shielded me from as much worry as possible, so I know I'm not even aware of all the help we have received. I know that personally, so many of my friends, acquaintances and co-workers have brought me all kinds of diversions...books, electronic devices, food, drinks, lotions, clothes...anything you can think of that would make me more comfortable. And I have heard so much about last night's benefit at ACU! I can't wait to see the video! And I know there is another benefit next week at Play Faire Park! AND, I know an account has been set up for my family to assist us financially while I can't work. Plus all the meals being provided to Eric and the kids, and the help in driving them to their various lessons...I am overwhelmed by the loving and giving attitudes of people we know and even people we don't know. We are blessed, blessed, blessed to be a part of so many incredible peoples' lives. Thak you all so much! and please, most importantly, keep praying for all of us. Your prayers are the best gift of all and are keeping us moving forward!
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